it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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