Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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