I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
