I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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