im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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