I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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