My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
