Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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