Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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