he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
