I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
