i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
