He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Damn victory sex feels great
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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