fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
