I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
