At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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