I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
