I didn't shave. On purpose
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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