Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
