How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
