saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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