it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
