What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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