No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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