My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
