There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
