I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
