How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
