Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
tell me about the fingering
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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