Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
