Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
