I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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