Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
