I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
