apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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