The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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