I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
