I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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