He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
