I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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