You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
