just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
