This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
