giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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