Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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