I cockslap morals
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
