The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
