I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize