1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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