FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i will never coherently bang her
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
