pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
