I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
