Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
