Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
