Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can Purell be used as lube?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
