you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
