you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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