Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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