Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
