Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
