I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
