Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
