At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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