I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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