First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
we're so committed to being not committed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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