I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
