i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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