Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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