He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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