I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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