I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
