mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
