His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
