Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
