Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I will pee on everything he values.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
