just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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